


say it don't spray it

by La_Temperanza



Series: teekettle's tumblr tales [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack, Fluff, M/M, Suggestive Themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 22:03:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14506404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/La_Temperanza/pseuds/La_Temperanza
Summary: yoyoplisetsky on tumblr wrote: “Maybe Yakov just needs to train Viktor like a cat when he and Yuuri get back to Russia. Every time Viktor gets distracted by staring, looking affectionate, acting affectionate, or having what Yakov believes are affectionate thoughts, he gets sprayed with a spray bottle. It’s more effective than skating based punishments, and Yuri finds it very amusing.”





	say it don't spray it

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thishasbeencary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thishasbeencary/gifts).



> Previously posted on [my tumblr](http://teekettle.tumblr.com/post/164387795669/yoyoplisetsky-maybe-yakov-just-needs-to-train), I just edited and formatted this to post here.

Eight times.

That’s how many times Viktor has been sprayed already, and it’s not even close to noon.

Usually, he can handle his coach’s tirades without a blink of an eye, while some of the fresher faces at the rink might be intimidated by Yakov’s gruff mannerisms. Most of them don’t believe Viktor when he says Yakov is mostly bark and little bite; a teddy bear once you get to know him. An ancient, balding teddy bear that yells a lot and smells faintly of a combination of strong off-brand men’s aftershave and week-old borsch, but a teddy bear nonetheless.

He’s experienced many of Yakov’s unusual methods of punishment himself over the years and has come out relatively unscathed. Like there was the time that he made Yakov really angry—over what, Viktor can’t remember, because it seems like something as simple as the changing of the seasons can make the man angry—and Yakov retaliated by banning him from listening to Europop for a month. For one whole month! 

(It’s a miracle Viktor survived.)

But this? This is just cruel and unusual punishment. There should be laws against this sort of thing. Where’s the Geneva Conventions when you need them?

“But _Yakov_ ,” Viktor whines while blinking rapidly to clear the droplets of water falling from his bangs into his eyes, “I’m still Yuuri’s coach! I’m supposed to be watching him!”

“There’s a difference between watching him, Vitya,” Yakov says, “and—”

“Undressing him with your eyes,” Yurio interjects, complete with dramatic gagging motion.

Yakov pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. “Not the exact words I would use, but yes. That.”

“Ah, but I can’t help it!” Viktor exclaims, his smile stretching ear from ear. “There’s just something so enticing about the way he moves! You know, I told him I’m sure there’s plenty of people who would want to see him undressed on the ice—”

That earns him his ninth spray of the morning, before he can even finish his sentence. Which is just plain rude.

*

As a coach himself, Viktor knows the importance of practice and hard work. Really he does. Yakov might call him selfish and Viktor himself knows that he can be flighty and forgetful at times. But he didn’t get to the position he's in now by sheer luck alone.

The thing is, Viktor used to be able to throw himself completely into skating because _it’s all he had_. Now that he has love, he realizes how sad and boring his former life was, and doesn’t want to feel like he has to force himself back into that depressed way of survival.

…Okay, so maybe he also doesn’t want to punished for ogling his fiance’s cute butt during practice. But one can hardly blame him, can they?

As he finds out five seconds later, apparently they can.

“I wasn’t even staring that time!” Viktor sputters as he wipes the fresh spray of water from his face.

“No, you weren’t,” Yakov says. There’s a hint of a smile on his face, an _actual_ smile, like he’s enjoying Viktor’s misery. Immediately Viktor takes back every nice thing he’s ever said about Yakov; the man really is a brute. “But you were thinking it.”

Damn. Viktor can’t deny that.

*

Yurio has the spray bottle. I repeat, Yurio has the spray bottle. How he managed to sneak it from Yakov, Viktor isn’t sure. Hell, this could have all been Yurio’s vengeful idea in the first place; it does seem like the kind of thing cat owners do to train their pets.

Viktor wouldn’t know, because he has Makkachin, the most perfect poodle in the whole, wide world, who’s never needed a reason to be reprimanded. Okay, so maybe Makka has a problem with jumping on people…and stealing steamed buns…and sticking a wet cold doggy nose in places it _definitely _doesn’t belong at very inopportune times.__

____

____

But! That’s beside the point.

The point is, Viktor doesn’t know if he should be afraid or not. Maybe he was a little too harsh in his punishments during training for ‘Onsen on Ice’ (the irony is not lost on him here), and maybe it was cruel to promise he's choreograph a program for Yurio and forget all about it (though he made up for it with Agape, didn’t he?), but also maybe all could be forgiven in the end? He and Yurio are rink mates after all, brothers on ice, and while Yurio can be a grumpy kitten, surely he couldn’t be that mad at Viktor, could he?

He gets his answer when Yurio unscrews the bottle and dumps the entire thing over Viktor’s head.

“How’s that for a waterfall, asshole.”

 _Yep_ , Viktor thinks as he feels water run down the back of his neck, _still mad._

*

“Vitya, you’re all wet,” Yuuri says. He’s doing that cute little thing with his nose again. No, not _that_ one, but the one where he scrunches up his nose in a way that Viktor just wants to kiss it. As if he needs an actual excuse. “What happened to your shirt?”

“Hmm?” Viktor puts a finger under the collar of his shirt and tries to peel away the damp fabric that’s stuck to his skin. When he lets go of it though, it just goes back to its original position, clinging so tightly to his chest that all the lines of his well-defined muscles are clearly visible. “It’s nothing! Yakov just has this silly idea that I should be punished every time I’m thinking about you, rather than focusing on practice. He’ll probably give up on it soon though.”

Yuuri blinks, looks down at Viktor’s chest, and then blinks again. His eyes are sparkling like he’s searching for something, and apparently the answer is buried somewhere in the divot between Viktor’s pecs. “You…you thought about me that much?”

“Of course!” Viktor says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. He doesn’t mention that most of its Yurio’s fault because Viktor figures Yakov would have used the whole bottle on him eventually. “I’m thinking about you all the time!”

“Vitya,” Yuuri says, lowly. He still hasn’t torn his gaze away from Viktor’s chest, and Viktor feels his body respond to the blatant attention. As if he wasn’t already poking through his shirt enough. “You should take off your shirt.”

Honestly, Viktor had planned on changing before he shared his break with Yuuri, but he figures he’s probably going to get sprayed again once they go back to practice anyway, so what’s the point on putting fresh, dry clothes on now? “It’s okay, I don’t mind. I’ll switch when we head home—”

Yuuri’s hand shoots out and snakes underneath the hem of Viktor’s shirt, his fingers feeling like firebrands against Viktor’s cool, clammy skin. “You should take off your shirt,” Yuuri repeats, smirking as his hand travels up farther and grazes areas that are currently very, very sensitive. More so than usual, especially with Yuuri's Eros making an unexpected appearance. “ _Now_.”

“…Oh!” Viktor’s cheeks flush a bright pink as realization dawns on him. “ _Ohhh…_ ”

*

One of these days, Yakov is going to have a heart attack. He’s just going to keel over dead, right there on the ice. And no matter what his doctor says about his cholesterol intake, Yakov knows it’s going to be because of one of his skaters.

A certain multi-medalist champion in particular comes to mind. One who Yakov is starting to regret taking back under his guidance, even if they’re the best skater Yakov has seen in his entire career. The same one who is currently absent and missing the rest of practice.

“Where is he?” Yakov growls. He’s met with blank stares from the rest of his skaters as he asks, “Has anyone seen Viktor?”

As if on cue, there’s a loud screech from the break room—which Yurio will later insist was not ‘girly’ nor ‘high-pitched,’ _shut up Baba, stop laughing_ —followed by an indignant, “Are you kidding me?! Gross!! People _eat_ in here you know— _shut the hell up, Viktor, that’s disgusting!!_ ”

“That’s it,” Yakov groans, “I’m retiring.”

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated. <3


End file.
